Thus far, I have written three “full” books about living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The “main” book that I wrote in 2008 is called When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. I also wrote a “scaled-down” version of this book called But I Love You: a primer for loved ones of people with Borderline Personality Disorder. These are both available in printed and eBook format.
“Beyond Boundaries” eBook by Bon Dobbs (Cost: $18.00 USD)
My new eBook needs some explaining I think… It is an attempt of mine to bring together the ideas that I presented in
New "Beyond Boundaries" eBook
“When Hope is Not Enough” plus some new ideas with which I have been working. I adjusted my “model” of BPD slightly beyond that which was presented in “When Hope is Not Enough”. I also speak more to attachment, cheerleading, mentalizing and goal-directed behavior. “When Hope is Not Enough” is a book that is all about the person with BPD. It is to help them (the ESP/BPD/ERD person) feel better. My theory with that one was if they feel better, they won’t act out in order to attempt to feel better. While modeling and reinforcement are behavioral modification techniques that ARE presented in “When Hope is Not Enough”, I have found that once you have mastered what is in “When Hope is Not Enough”, you’re left with a feeling of “what about MY feelings?” because, although things are (sometimes markedly) better, calmer and easier, it still isn’t a 50/50 relationship. That can cause frustration.
I believe I have discovered how to make the relationship closer to 50/50, which was assembled in the new eBook “Beyond Boundaries”. I wanted to get something out there to help people move toward a more 50/50 situation.I believe that it is necessary to read “When Hope is Not Enough” to fully understand “Beyond Boundaries”. I think that many people who buy it might not read “When Hope is Not Enough” first, because of the title. It is amazing how nons get the impression that boundaries are the only “tool” for BPD relationships. I am also trying to debunk that.
I don’t think you can properly apply techniques that move toward a 50/50 relationship without first gaining the trust that comes through “When Hope is Not Enough” (and other books too). Even if you SAY your intent is not malicious, the other person will not believe you unless you have demonstrated benevolent intent that “When Hope is Not Enough” helps facilitate.
Buy “Beyond Boundaries” eBook from Google Checkout:
“When Hope is Not Enough” by Bon Dobbs (Cost: $7.00 USD for eBook)
I got a personal message about my book “When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder”. It was so touching to me, I thought I would share it everyone. Here is part of the message:
Your book in all honesty, out of close to $400 worth of BPD materials I bought, gave me something really concrete to work with. Whether or not it works is up to many factors but, I feel confident that I have the tools I need to work off of, and that is something not even my therapist has given me no matter how much I asked.
Now, I’m no therapist. No, I’m just a regular non-BP husband and father. However, I have gotten a very strong, positive reaction to the tool and strategies that I present in WHINE. If you’re at the end of your rope or want to learn to be more effective with your loved one with BPD, please try WHINE. It has helped many in my ATSTP Google Group get a handle on their relationship. As far as I know, it is the only “lay person staying” book out there. Most of the other non-BP books are written by ex-husbands (e.g. Tears and Healing, Siren’s Son, One Way Ticket to Kansas) and deal with the non’s emotional recovery from the BPD relationship. WHINE deals with how you can effectively interact and communicate with someone with this difficult and, at times, chaotic disorder. If you are a spouse that wants to stay or a parent that has to stay, I would recommend “When Hope is Not Enough”.
If you would like to buy a printed copy of “When Hope is Not Enough”, you can do so at Amazon.
Buy “When Hope is Not Enough” from Amazon (USA)
Buy “When Hope is Not Enough” from Barnes and Noble (USA)
Buy “When Hope is Not Enough” from Amazon (Canada)
Buy “When Hope is Not Enough” from Amazon (UK)
Buy “When Hope is Not Enough” e Book from Google Checkout:
“But I Love You” eBook by Bon Dobbs (Cost: $5.00 USD)
Buy “But I Love You” eBook from Google Checkout:
This “primer” grew out of my book “When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.” If you have read that book, you will not find much new material in this one. There are a couple of new things (most notably, the “cheerleading” tool), which do not appear in “When Hope is Not Enough.”
This primer was born out of frustration about “When Hope is Not Enough.” One of my list members (of the “Anything to Stop the Pain” Google Support List) found that she and her husband were having trouble understanding the structure of “When Hope is Not Enough.” They felt that many of their “burning questions” were answered only in the end of the book. They have an adult daughter with BPD and wanted to know answers to questions like “Why does she constantly lie to us?” and “Why does she react with rage when we
make innocent suggestions?” The problem that they found with the full “how-to guide” was that way in which I presented the material. In “When Hope is Not Enough” I present a model of BPD that is initially more “inwardly” focused on a person with BPD’s feelings, reactions and motivations. The three core components of BPD that I present in my previous book are: emotional dysregulation, shame and impulsivity. These aspects are, in my opinion, the drivers of all of the behaviors, as crazy as some of these behaviors seem to us.
However, these aspects are all internal to the person with BPD and, as parents of an adult daughter with BPD, my list member and her husband wanted to understand their daughter’s behavior from the “outside in” more fully.
“But I Love You” explains a loved one with BPD in a way that speaks to this frustration with “When Hope is Not Enough.” I see it as a stepping-stone to understanding the full “how-to” guide.
Buy “But I Love You” in eBook Form: